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“Doctor, are you sure I’m suffering from pneumonia? I’ve heard
once about a doctor treating someone with pneumonia and finally he died
of typhus.”
“Don’t worry, it won’t happen to me. If I treat someone with
pneumonia he will die of pneumonia.”
*****
A short history of Medicine: “Doctor, I have an ear ache.”
2000 B.C. – “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. – “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. – “That prayer is superstition drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. – “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. – “That pill is infective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. – “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!”
*****
What’s
the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what be treats.
*****
A
noted psychiatrist was a guest at a chic
gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which he
was most at ease. “Would you mind telling me, Doctor,” she asked,
“How you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely
normal?”
“Nothing is easier,” he
replied. “You ask him a simple question which every one should answer
with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track.”
“What sort of question?”
“Well, you might ask him, ‘Captain Cook made three trips
around the world and died during one of them. Which one?”
The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh,
“You wouldn’t happen to have another example, would you? I must
confess I don’t know much about history.”
***** |
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Patient to
the eye doctor: ”Whenever I drink coffee, I have this sharp,
excruciating pain.”
“Try to remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking.”
*****
“Doctor,
please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade.”
“Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done
anything yet?”
“Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor.”
*****
Stammerer: “I hea…hea….heard that…that you can hel..hel…help
me”.
Speech therapist: “ Yes, sure. Ease yourself in the chair, look
straight in my eyes, and count till ten.”
Stammerer: “ O..one, t..two, th…th…three, ……eight, nine, ten.
It,s wonderful, I don’t stammer anymore !”
Speech therapist: “My fee is 3000 rupees.”
Stammerer: H...h… howmu… mu… much?!”
*****
A
guy walks into work, and both of his ears
are all banged up. The boss asks, “What happened to your ears?” He
says, “Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and shhh! I
accidentally answered the iron.”
The boss says, “Well, that explains one ear, but what happened
to your other ear?’
He says, “Well, jeez, I had to call the doctor!”
*****
A man goes to the eye doctor. The receptionist asks him why he is
there. The man complains, “I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes.”
The receptionist asks, ‘Have you ever seen a doctor?” and the man
replies, “No, just spots.”
*****
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