A hydrogen atom lost its electron and went to the police station to file a missing electron report. He was questioned by the police: "Haven't you just misplaced it somewhere? Are you sure that your electron is really lost?"
"I'm positive." replied the atom.

A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a terrible accident and cries - "DOC, DOC...I can't feel my legs, I can't feel my legs!!!
"Well of course you can't silly!", replies the Doc... "I've cut off both of your arms."

A distraught man ran into the doctor's office. "Doc!" The man screamed, "I've lost my memory!" "When did this happen?" asked the doctor. The man looked at him and said, "When did what happen?"

A doctor was awakened at four in the morning by a caller who
wanted to know how much he charged for a house call.  
"Twenty-five dollars," muttered the sleepy physician.  
"How much is an office visit?" demanded the caller. 
"Fifteen dollars." 
"Okay, Doc," said the caller. "I'll meet you in your office in fifteen  minutes."

Patient: What is the probability of success in undergoing a bypass surgery?

Doctor: 100%!!

Patient: But how can you be so sure of achieving 100% success?

Doctor: On the day of convocation, my professor told me that when you practice, chances of failure will be 99% and success 1%. I have already attended 99 patients (failed to cure them) and you are the 100^th!!

An old man was very sick. So sick, in fact, that his family was gathered at the bedside. They all were trying to cheer him up.

"Your colour is better," said one son.

"You are breathing easier," remarked another.

The old man, said unperturbed, "Thank goodness! it's nice to know that I'm going to die cured!"

J J J

A little girls father was confined to his bed with influenza and his wife had been very busy sterilizing all his dishes. "Why do you do that, Mummy?" asked the little girl.

“Because dear, Daddy has germs and the germs get on the dishes he uses. I boil the dishes and that kills the germs." The little girl reflected a moment and then said, “Mummy, why not boil Daddy and get rid of the germs all at once?"

J J J

A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him. "How bad is it?" the doctor asks. "I have no idea," the husband says. "Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say something. If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thing. Keep moving closer and closer and repeating the comment until she does hear you. That way we'll have an idea of her range of hearing loss." So the man goes home and sees his wife in the kitchen chopping up vegetables for dinner. From 20 feet away: "What are we having for dinner?" No answer. From 10 feet: Same thing. From 5 feet: Same thing. Finally, he's standing right behind her: "What's for dinner?" She turns around, looks at him and says: "For the FOURTH time, BEEF STEW!"

J J J

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