The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes," the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.

"Who cares?" the mother replied

"Doctor, Doctor, You've got to help me - I just can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Do you drink a lot?"
"Not really - I spill most of it!"

J J J

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber-type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.
The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don't even make that much as a doctor!."
The plumber quietly answered, "Neither did I when I was a doctor."

Just as a surgeon was finishing an operation and was about to close, the patient awakes, sits up, and demands to know what is going on. "I'm about to close," the surgeon says. The patient grabs the surgeon's hand and says, "I'm not going to let you do that! I'll close my own incision!" The doctor hands him the needle and thread and says, "Suture self."

J J J

Q: What is more useful: the sun or the moon?
A: The moon, because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the sun shines during the day when you don't need it.

J J J

            Three patients in a mental institution prepare for an examination given by the head psychiatrist. If the patients pass the exam, they will be free to leave the hospital. However, if they fail, the institution will detain them for five years.

            The doctor takes the three patients to the top of a diving board looking over an empty swimming pool, and asks the first patient to jump.

            The first patient jumps head first into the pool and breaks both arms.
Then the second patient jumps and breaks both legs. The third patient looks over the side and refuses to jump. "Congratulations! You're a free man. Just tell me why didn't you jump?" asked the doctor.

            Third patient answered, "Well Doc, I can't swim!"

J J J

This guy is in the hospital with two broken legs that he got from a car crash. 

The nurse comes into the room that he is in and says that she has good news and bad news.

The guy asks for the bad news first.

The nurse says, “We’re going to have to remove your legs.”

Then the guy asks for the good news.

The nurse says, “The guy beside you wants to buy sneakers.”

J J J

Back