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Patient:
Doctor, what fish did you say I have? Doctor:
Not a fish, stupid, cancer! ***** Patient:
My hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in? Doctor: A
shoebox. ***** Patient
walks
into a doctor's office. Patient: Doctor, people ignore me. Doctor: Next! ***** A man swallowed a mouse while sleeping on the couch one day. His wife quickly called the doctor and said, "Doctor, please come quickly. My husband just swallowed a mouse and he's gagging and thrashing about." "I'll be right over," the doctor said. "In the meantime, keep waving a piece of cheese over his mouth to try to attract the mouse up and out of there. "When the doctor arrived, he saw the wife waving a piece of fish over her husband's mouth. "Uhh, I told you to use cheese, not fish, to lure the mouse." "I know, doc," she replied, "but first I've got to get the darn cat out of him." ***** "Doctor, don't cut so deep. That's the third operating table you've ruined this month!" ***** There are several kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method: General Practitioners know nothing and do little. Surgeons know little and do everything. Internists knows everything and do nothing. Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it's usually too late. ***** Psychiatrist:
What is wrong with your brother? Sister: He thinks he's a chicken. Psychiatrist:
How long has he been acting like a chicken? Sister:
Three years. We would have come in sooner, but we needed the eggs. ***** Wife: Doctor,
my husband thinks he's a horse. Psychiatrist: He is just probably a
little stressed out and needs some rest. Wife:
But he kicks chairs and eats grass and do not even sleep in the bed. Psychiatrist:
Well, in that case, it looks like he may need a lot of help, but it may
cost quite a lot of money for prolonged treatment. Wife:
Oh you don't have to worry about the money part. Last Sunday, my husband
won the horse race! ***** Patient:
Doctor, my wife thinks I'm crazy because I like sausages. Psychiatrist:
Nonsense! I like sausages too. Patient:
Good, you should come see my collection. I've got hundreds of 'em. ***** Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? Patient: Doctor, I keep getting the feeling that nobody can hear what I say. Doctor: What seems to be the trouble? ***** A
man calls the psychiatrist at a mental hospital and asks who's in room
24. "Nobody" comes the reply. "Good" says the man,
"I must have escaped." ***** How
do you
tell the difference between the psychiatrists and the patients at the
mental hospital? The patients are the ones that eventually get better
and go home! ***** |
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