Medijokes.com

A friend of mine went to the dentist recently. He commented that it may be tough spending all day  with your hands in someone’s mouth. He said, “I just think of it as having my hands in their wallet.”

*****

When Gavaskar found out that a movie has been released, in Australia called “Gavaskar,” he was very happy. He planned to watch it and got a ticket for Australia at once. With great difficulty he managed to get a ticket and very happily went to see the movie.
     But when he came out of the movie he was very angry! He went straight to the director of the movie and asked.
     “What do you mean by this? You named your movie ‘Gavaskar’, but did not show anything about me in  it!”
      The director of the movie laughed and said, “So now you understand the problem? You people too made a movie called ‘Border’, but did you show anything about Border in it?”

*****

Father : Son, do you realise  when Lincoln was your age he was already studying hard to be a lawyer?
Son: Right, pop, and when he was your age, he was already President of the United States!

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There was a poor old man who used to carry an unbearable load on his back. One day when he could carry it no father, he cried out in despair, “Oh, Death, come and free me”.
     In a flash the Angle of Death was at his side asking politely, “You called for me?”
“Yes, the  poor man answered hastily, “Please help me put my load back on my shoulders”.

*****

One  woman to another at a dinner party: “Where’s that beautiful girl who was serving drink?”
“What do you want? The girl or a drink?”
“Neither, I’m searching for my husband.”

*****

Patient : Doctor, you must help me. I’m under such a lot of stress, I keep losing my temper with people.
Doctor: Tell me about your problem.
Patient: I just did, didn’t I, you stupid bastard!!!!

*****

A  doctor came to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient had a major surgery on both his hands. “Doctor”, said the man excitedly and dramatically holding up his heavily bandaged hands. “Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?” “I don’t see why not”, replied the doctor. “That’s funny”, said the man. “I wasn’t  able to play it before”.

*****

Patient: Doctor, I can’t stop stealing things.
Psychiatrist: Take these pills. They should help you.
Patient : But what if they don’t?
Psychiatrist: Pick up a Rolls for me.

*****

“Do you believe in life after death ?” the boss asked one of his younger employees.
“Yes, Sir.”
“Well, then, that makes everything just fine,” the boss went on. “About an hour after you left yesterday  to go to your grandfather’s funeral, he stopped in to see you.”

   *****

Priest to young Daniel: “Do you always say your evening prayers before going to sleep?”
“No, my mother does them for me.”
“What does she say?”
“Thank God you’re in bed at last!”

*****

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