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Just
as a Surgeon is finishing up an operation, the patient awakes and
demands to be informed of what is happening – “I am in the process
of sewing you up” explains the doctor. I’ll close my own incision, “demands the patient, grabbing the surgeon’s hand. The consultant hands him the needle and shrugs, “Go on then suture self.” ***** Patient: “If I give up smoking, drinking and going out with women, will I have to be a hundred? Doctor: “No, but it will seem like it.” ***** The
surgeon
told his patient who woke up after having been operated: “I’m afraid
we’re going to operate you again.
Because, you see, I forget my rubber gloves inside you.”
“Well,
if it’s
just
because
of
gloves, I’d
rather
pay
for them if you just leave me alone.” ***** “Who
told you to come?” a dentist asked a child in his office. “A friend of mine,” he answered. You took out one of his teeth, and he missed school for three whole weeks.” ***** Rahul was agonizing at the hospital, so his family called Father Luis. The priest came quickly, but when he approached Rahul’s bed, the sick man started to get worse and waved his arm anxiously indicating that he wanted something to write on. Father Luis gave him a piece of paper and a pencil and Rahul used his last ounce of energy writing a message, then he passed away. Judging that it wasn’t the most appropriate time to read the note, Father Luis put it in his pocket for later. The next day, he unfolded the note in front of Rahul’s family and said “Rahul surely wrote this note in an effort to comfort you.” Then he read: “Move! You are standing on my oxygen tube. ***** Ponder This: The difference between a neurotic and a psychotic is that, while a psychotic thinks that 2 + 2 = 5, a neurotic knows the answer is 4, but it worries him. ***** A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth. Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do? Dentist: Wear a brown tie! ***** Mary: My daughter believes in preventative medicine, doctor. Doctor: Oh, really? Mary: Yes, she tries to prevent me from making her take it! ***** Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown. Doctor: What does he call his other eye? ***** A doctor is talking to a car mechanic, "Your fee is
several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care." ***** The CEO of a large HMO dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter shows him to a lovely villa, wonderful music, great views, full staff of servants, gourmet meals, etc. The CEO says, “This is terrific!” Don’t get too comfortable,” says St. Peter. “You’re only approved for a three-day stay.”
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