Dentist begging the patient: “Can you help me? Please give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams?

Patient: “Why, Doc! It isn’t all that bad this time.”

Dentist: “There are so many people in the waiting room right now and I don’t want to miss the 4 o’ clock ball game.”


Patient: “Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can’t remember anything!”

Doctor: “So, since when did you have this problem?”

Patient: “What problem?”

Doctor: “Did you take those pills I gave you to improve your memory?”

Patient: “What pills?”


Wife: “Doctor, my husband thinks he is a horse.”
Psychiatrist: “He is just probably a little stressed out and needs some rest.”

Wife: “But he kicks chairs and eats grass and does not even sleep in bed.”

Psychiatrist: “Well, in that case, it looks like he may need a lot of help, but it may cost quite a lot of money for prolonged treatment.”

Wife: “Oh! you don’t have to worry about the money part. Last Sunday my husband won the horse race.”


During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was having trouble with one of his medications. “Which one?” asked the doctor.

“The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running out of places to put it!”

The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn’t see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!

Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.


Shortly after the 911 emergency number became available, an elderly and quite ill lady appeared in a hospital emergency room, having driven herself to the hospital and barely managing to stagger in from the parking lot.

The horrified nurse said, “Why didn’t you call the 911 number and get an ambulance?” The lady said, “My phone doesn’t have an eleven.”


The patient awakened after the operation to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn.

“Why are all the blinds closed?” she asked doctor.

“Well,” the surgeon responded, “They’re fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to wake up and think the operation had failed.”


A father bought his son to the doctor because the boy had a matchbox car shoved up his nose. All the  while the doctor was trying to remove the car, the father kept saying “I don’t know how he did it!”. Finally the doctor removed the car, and the father and son left.

A few hours later, the father came back with the matchbox shoved up HIS nose. He told the doctor, “I know how he did it!”



A distraught man ran into the doctor’s office.

“Doc!” the man screamed, “I’ve lost my memory!”

“When did this happen?” asked the doctor.

The man looked at him and said, “When did what happen?”