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A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands. Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?" "I don't see why not," replies the doctor. "That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before..
* *
* The patient awakened after the operation
to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn.
"Why are all the blinds
closed?" she asked her doctor. "Well," the surgeon responded,
"They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to
wake up and think the operation had failed."
* *
* "Doctors at a hospital
in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike.
Hospital officials say they
will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a
pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"
* *
* Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.
Psychiatrist:
Nurse, bring in another chair. * *
* Prescriptive compliance: A woman in Arkansas brought her baby
in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an ear
ache. He wrote a prescription for
ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every
four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.
Several days passed, and the
woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an
earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those
drops of oil. The doctor looked at the
bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the
following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four
hours." * *
* Patient: Please tell me, doctor, am I getting better? Doctor: I think so. But to be sure, let me feel your wallet...
* *
*
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?
Nurse: No change yet.* *
* Patient: Doctor, I'm manic-depressive.
Psychiatrist: Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm...
etc
. * * *
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