A doctor has come to see one of his patients in a hospital. The patient has had major surgery to both of his hands.

Doctor," says the man excitedly and dramatically holds up his heavily bandaged hands. "Will I be able to play the piano when these bandages come off?"

"I don't see why not," replies the doctor.

"That's funny," says the man. "I wasn't able to play it before..

* * *

The patient awakened after the operation to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn.

"Why are all the blinds closed?" she asked her doctor.

"Well," the surgeon responded, "They're fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn't want you to wake up and think the operation had failed."

* * *

"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike.

Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"

* * *

Patient: Doctor, I have a split personality.

Psychiatrist: Nurse, bring in another chair.

* * *

Prescriptive compliance: A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an ear ache.

He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it.

Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil.

The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."

* * *

Patient: Please tell me, doctor, am I getting better?

Doctor: I think so. But to be sure, let me feel your wallet...

* * *

Doctor: Nurse, how is that little boy doing, the one who swallowed ten quarters?

* * *

Patient: Doctor, I'm manic-depressive. Psychiatrist: Calm down. Cheer up. Clam down. Cheer up. Calm... etc .

* * *