Medijokes.com

      While eating in a restaurant, I reprimanded my four-year-old son for speaking with his mouth full. “Mump umn kmpfhm,” was all I heard.
    “Drew,” I scolded, “no one can understand a word you’re saying.”
   “He says he wants some ketchup,” my husband said clamly.
   A woman sitting  nearby leaned over and asked, “How in the world did you understand him?”
“I’m a dentist,” my husband explained.

*****

       Managing a one-hour photo-processing store, I’ve heard customers come up with all  kinds of excuses for their bad pictures. But when I handed one man his photos, I didn’t think he’d be able to avoid taking the blame. As he looked at 24 shots of his left ear, I expected him to admit that he’d pointed the camera in the wrong direction. “That silly wife of mine,” he said, “loaded the film backward again!”.

                                              *****

      My mail truck broke down one day on a busy highway. I pushed the vehicle onto the side of the road, put on the hazard lights and went to phone a garage. After I returned to the truck to wait, a car pulled up in front of me.
     Assuming  it was someone stopping to offer help. I approached the car. The woman inside rolled down the window and said, “Will you mail this letter for me?”          

*****

      “Dad,” said the youngster, “our teacher doesn’t know what a horse looks like.”
       “What makes you say this?”
       “Well, when I painted one, he asked me what on earth that was supposed to be.”

                     *****

      When my sister learned the plane she was on would arrive late at the airport, she asked a flight attendant to call ahead and have then hold her connecting flight. On landing, she ran frantically through the terminal and hurried aboard the waiting plane. The passengers glared at her as she slunk into the single vacant seat.
      When the jet hadn’t budged for five minutes, she turned to those sitting nearby and said, “I guess I didn’t hold you up after all, what do you think they’re waiting for?”
      “Your luggage,” grumbled the woman next to her.

*****

      When I was in the sixth standard  I lost the sight in my right eye during a playground mishap. Fortunately, the accident had little effect on my life. When I reached my 40s, however, I needed to get glasses. At the optometrist’s office, the doctor’s young assistant pointed to an eye chart. “Cover your right eye and read line three,” she said.
     “I’m blind in my right eye,” I told her. “It’s a glass eye.”
     “Okay,” she responded. “In that case, cover your left eye.”       

*****

      The dinner ordered oysters : ‘Make sure they’re neither too larger nor too small, nor too salty nor too fat’ he instructed.
      The waiter raised his eyebrows and asked, ‘With or without pearls, sir?’

*****

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